~~~~~~~ JESTERSAURUS ~~~~~~~

Due to an elaborate scheme of good planning, Jestersaurus Rex couldn't make it to ProgDay 2001, but we're very pleased and grateful to present this festival review that appeared in the local community newspaper.

ProgDay 2001
by Junior Compost
Reprinted by kind permission of The Chapel Hill Gazette

Hi y'aaall, hi y'aaall, hi y'aaall! It's a Sundy mornin an the sun' s a risin an the roosters 'r hollerin! Put them shovels down, put yer feet up, and sat a spell afore church!

As ya'll'll know by now, them hippies came a flockin ta Sewage Hole last weekend like a boll weevil in a cotton gin. Little Peter Renfro had his opry with all these high-fallutin' city slickers playin what they call "pergessive rock". Poor kid must notta known what he was in fer!

Me an Gator McDougal decided we was gonna go, seein as we how we needed somethin to write about anywho, so that mornin we done et ourselves a mess o' collard greens an hoe cakes, an put on our best boots to mosey on over to Renfro's. We camped out the night bafore as we was 'coon huntin, an dang if that mornin we wasn't covered all over with camp itch an lice! You shoulda seen all them other folks a scratchin on the second day like they was each playin the washboard at a chigger festival!

Anywho, me an Gator was pullin on some bourbon an walkin on a slant afore we's even got there, so we was hankerin for some good ol chicken pickin. Well we pert-near busted our guts laughing at these mules! Not only could they not play a decent tune to stomp yer feet to, but would you believe not a one of them bands was even gonna play "Clementine"? I'm serious as a flea-bitten coonhound a lickin his nuts afore a hunt! Not a one! Me an Gator juss set there cleanin' our guns an shakin our heads.

We moved onta Gus Feller's moonshine afore long, an we was getting real tired of all these bands a playin an not a banjer in sight. So we asked them real nice-like, if they wouldn't mind playin some Flatts an Scruggs on the Victrola between bands. They seemed a bunch a nervous nellies 'cause they started in ta shakin and said "anything you want fellers!" Prolly wasn't a good idear ta let Gator at the volume doohickey, cause by the time we was listenin ta "Foggy Mountain Breakdown", peoples' ears was bleedin. Looka like a bunch a moe-rons to me anywho, cause if'n they juss stuck their fingers in their ears instead a keepin their hands in the air they might a been alright.

There was juss a few young gals there an ya know our Gator: he starts fixin hisself up fer courtin, tightenin the rope round his waist, cleanin the toenail 'neath the hole in his boot, an lickin the palms of his hands an slickin his hair back. Man was fit to be tied when none o them gals would hold his hand! He swored he musta had some collard green stuck on his best tooth, but all I could see was clean an yeller.

Buster McFee's nephew was there an bless his heart if he wasn't juss another nitwit from the north - some place called "Canada". I don 't know where in tarnation that is - prolly in New York er somethin, but ah'll tell you what: That boy wouldn't a knowed what ta do if ya put a stool behind a cow and telled him to stand there with his pants down. Ol Buster woulda whooped his hide but good if'n he came. Then again, Ol Buster woulda pretty much whooped all o their hides if'n he came. Tell you another thang: this weekend was funnier then a marathon night o Hee Haw, so I'm fixin on goin next year too!

<>Thank you Junior! It's gratifying to know that we've enlisted a new soldier in our march toward . . . uh . . . prog . . . land . . . thingy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Section 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

<>Sheriff Elmer Clark has kindly offered to share a few last words in honor of the event. It really looks like this festival has had an emotional impact on that rural community that's quite heartwarming to behold! Here he is to introduce the sections for this issue:

Sure was a spectacle, ah'll give ya that much. Ah never seen such a bunch o drug-totin, long haired hippie faggots in all my life, an I promise you this: If'n I know ol Renfro like I know Renfro, he'll be openin up a can o whoop-ass on that boy o his that'll redden his hide like a sunburned injun in a forest fire! Here's section 1: <>Riho Sibul's interview from Expose 22 is previewed here because I have his recent solo disc and I love it. Got a problem with that?


Interview by Hubert Jakobs

For those familiar with progressive rock from the ex-USSR, the name of Riho Sibul should be well known. He has played guitar in several of the most outstanding groups from this era: In Spe, Kaseke, VSP Projekt and Ultima Thule. As the recent CD re-releases of these classic albums have again drawn attention to the Estonian prog scene, and as Riho Sibul lately came out with his first solo album, we decided to conduct a short interview with the Estonian guitar maestro.

You were born in 1958 in a small place called Järvakandi in central Estonia. How and when did you become interested in music? Were your parents involved in music?

Yes, both of my parents were involved in music. My mother was teaching music to children and was leading several choirs. My father played in a brass band. They listened to lots of music at home. My father was rather liberal music-wise. My older brother started to bring home records that he got from schoolmates and they discussed the music with our father.

Was guitar your first interest or did you start with other instruments?

My parents wanted me to take piano lessons, which I also did. I actually did not have a guitar at home. I played in the mandolin orchestra of the school and there was a seven-string guitar and we just took one string away. In the seventh grade my father bought me a Czech-made guitar. My father also played acoustic bass in a dance band and that is why at a certain point a weird-looking bass guitar was bought and there was a self-made amplifier. When you turned it to the maximum, you got a tremendous fuzz sound. I remember I recorded my own compositions to a simple reel-to-reel tape recorder.

Who were the musicians that you admired the most? Were there any guitar players that you tried to follow?

It is hard to tell about the earliest times in my life, because back then there were so many things at the same time that I discovered, starting with The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Beach Boys, Mamas and Papas, then Jimi Hendrix, Cream, Family, early Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Gentle Giant and King Crimson. For me they all came at about the same time. The world of the electric guitar seemed to me so mystical and unfathomable and everything took place in a rather short period of time. I discovered all these different musicians in just a year and a half. My greatest musical shock was caused by Zappa's Absolutely Free, I was then in the eighth grade. My brother, who was then studying at the university, brought home lots of recordings, both on tape and on vinyl, and this world really opened up. I remember Nice, Vanilla Fudge, more King Crimson... Another great shock that I got in 1974 was Lark's Tongues In Aspic by King literally floored me. I was, of course, interested in these guitar-heroes as well, though I don't remember the details. I really liked Focus and digged Akkerman's playing, even before I started to play myself. I admired Alvin Lee from Ten Years After, how fast he was playing, Hendrix as a guitar player came into my life when I was about 14 or 15. And of course Cream and Johnny Winter... I was not a guitar freak, although I knew exactly that it is guitar that I would like to play. But the music I tried to follow did not have to be guitar-centered at all, even if most of the music back then was centered around guitar.

You have mentioned the fact that you came to Tallinn because of the invitation of Gunnar Graps. How did Graps hear about you and how did it all happen?

I was playing in a band in the high school, which got rather popular. We were a trio playing hard-rock or blues-rock. A group from Kohila came to play in Järvakandi, which had Ilmar Soots (from Ornament) on bass. He invited me to Kohila and as Graps came there pretty often, we finally met... In 1976 I graduated from the high school and came to Tallinn.

What were your earliest bands? What kind of music were you playing back then?

Gunnar Graps Magnetic Band was playing a mixture of blues, funk and jazz (some tracks from this period have been re-released on the Gunnar Graps CD 'Tühjad pihud'). Haak was a fantastic band; the compositions of Heiki Tark were brilliant. Unfortunately no recordings have been left...

And then you joined In Spe?

<>Whoa! Holy cow! What do you think happens next?! Did he do something in the interim? Did he join the French Foreign Legion to "find himself"? Did he join the Moonies? Did he take a sabbatical from his labor of music to meditate at the limestone cliffs of the Gulf of Finland? Did he establish himself as an agent of espionage who, along with the aid of high-ranking infiltrators in the politburo and with financial backing from the western powers, helped expedite the collapse of the Soviet Union for the ultimate purpose of the establishment of a free state of Estonia? Or did he just join In Spe? Don't miss the gripping conclusion of "Riho Sibul - How I toppled communism (or at least joined In Spe) with my guitar"! Order your hermetically-sealed copy of Expose Magazine

<>Archimedes Badkar<>
<>Archimedes is considered perhaps the greatest mathematician of all time, as he discovered pi, the theory of buoyancy, and the surface/volume relationship of a sphere, among other theorems and principles. But really: how can one refer to a mathematician as "great"? Smart? Yes. Brilliant? Sure. Begging for a "Kick Me" sign to be taped to his back? You bet! But great? Well consider this: Archimedes invented many machines that were used as engines of war! He played an important role in the defense of Syracuse against the siege laid by the Romans by constructing war machines so effective that they long delayed the capture of the city! In fact, he is said to have single-handedly defended the city by constructing burning mirrors to focus the Sun's light onto Roman ships and lighting them on fire, as well as building huge cranes to turn the ships upside down! That's even cooler than the catapult, which, yup -- you guessed it: was invented by Archimedes! Kinda makes Archimedes' Badkar pale in comparison, even though the kar could pull fantastic holeshots throughout the streets of Sicily and do a quarter mile faster than you can say "Rhombicosidodecahedron".
Archimedes Badkar

<>"Clivage . . . betwixt . . . cracks between . . . feel . . . Brigitte . . . feel . . . pleasure to behold". Just what kind of subliminal message is McLatchey trying to convey here? Do not move on to a French porn site after visiting this link!

<>Etron Fou Leloublan<>
"If you like experimental, RIO, or avant-garde music, Etron Fou Leloublan is indispensable." <> And if you like a good laugh, a visit to this link is indispensable. The cover of En Public Aux Etats Unis D'Amerique shows the band "in public in the United States of America" mere seconds before they got their butts kicked.
Etron Fou Leloublan

<>Sorry. Can't seem to find the note that goes with this link.

<>Museo Rosenbach<>
Tom Hayes: "So vinyl collectors should either try to score the hyper-expensive, original, textured gatefold (on Dischi Ricordi)" .
<>And how much you wanna bet that ol' Tom here has a "hyper-expensive, original, textured gatefold (on Dischi Ricordi)" copy reserved just for you?
Museo Rosenbach

<>Yezda Urfa<>
"Unheralded in their day and basically only known now for their belated second album Sacred Baboon, Yezda Urfa were one of the finest American progressive rock groups of the 70s. Their extremely rare debut album Boris has long been an in-demand collectors item and for good reason."
<>True, but I still can't figure out why the cover has a picture of Joe Cocker on it.
Yezda Urfa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Section 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An I hope there ain't none o you clowns left stragglin about the place when I get up in the mornin cause if'n ya are, ahma gonna hog-tie yer ass an hang ya out ta dry in the nearest tobaccy shed. Here's section 2.

"A symphonic progressive, Airlord were truly on the eccentric side as if the band took in Zappa along with Genesis and Yes."

<>Anna Sjalv Tredje<>
"After all, how many Swedish Schulze imitators are out there?"
<>I don't know Mike. Got an abacus and a couple of days to figure it out?
Anna Sjalv Tredje

<>It's amazing. At the time of this posting, there are 825 words on this page. I know I've seen all of these words before, but it's funny how these guys put all the words together to describe Nomades. I mean, you could use most of these words to describe a toothbrush, yet the words are cleverly arranged to describe Nomades. Isn't it amazing? Or is it just me?
Jean Pascal Boffo

"Overall, Bröselmaschine is the type of album to sooth ones nerves after a hard days work."
<>I thought that's what heavy drinking was for?

<>Carpe Diem<>
"This album is an essential, a classic that has surely stood the test of time."
<>It's even good.
Carpe Diem

<>East of Eden<>
" . . . is an equally defining album of early progressive rock as In the Court of the Crimson King."
<>[GASP!] Nooooo WAY duuuuuuude! Court was the FIRST prog album!
East of Eden

<>What do lederhosen, felt hats, cuckoo clocks, Eulenspygel, and accordions have in common? I don't know. When you figure it out, let me know.

<>The Flower Kings<>
"This two-CD studio album [Flower Power] is over 140 minutes long."
<>Aside from sleeping, I can't say as there's much of anything I want to do for a solid 140 minutes. Then again, maybe that's the point of Flower Power.
Stolt / Flower Kings

"Recommended to those who like a more raw and energetic prog metal without commercial trappings. Be sure to listen from an historical perspective."
<>That historical perspective of course being the recent attempt by The Netherlands to conquer the world. Imperium is a concept band/album that chronicles this fascinating movement from its humble yet sinister beginnings in the bowels of The Netherlands underground, through its dramatic rise to the streets of Amsterdam, and its ultimate collapse when the rebels couldn't be lured to imperial domination from the haze of the hash bars.

Be wary of this thinly disguised band of terrorists from Indonesia. This is directly from the U.S. State Department: "The U.S. Government has received information that indicates extremist elements may be planning to target U.S. interests in Indonesia. American citizens resident or traveling in Indonesia are advised to exercise caution at all times, be alert to suspicious or unclaimed packages, vary times and routes and other aspects of personal daily routine and keep a low profile. A massive bombing campaign struck churches throughout Indonesia on Christmas Eve 2000, leaving at least 16 dead and over one hundred injured. Bombings have also occurred over the past year at Indonesian government buildings, foreign diplomatic facilities and business and financial centers, including the Jakarta [!!! - ed.] Stock Exchange. More explosive devices have been discovered in Jakarta [!!! - ed.] since Christmas and there are indications that the bombings may continue. Updated information on travel and security in Indonesia may be obtained from the U.S. Embassy in Jakarta [!!! - ed.] by calling tel. (62)(21)3435-9000".
<>So our government supports the occasional ruthless military junta, stands by when governments (or we) slaughter civilians by the score, blankets the planet with war machines and instruments of mass destruction while accusing others of being aggressors . Don't you think these people are over-reacting a bit? Either way, not only is Jestersaurus here to help you with your prog purchases, we're also here to ensure that your international excursions are safe and affordable, and that you return with your head and your testicles intact.

<>Jose Cid<>
"Fans of spacey French symphonic rock should really like this one."
Jose Cid

"It's unfortunate that Midas went by so unnoticed; Beyond The Clear Air is certainly one of the better late 80s Japanese symphonic albums."

<>Music Emporium<>
"Overall Music Emporium were a good two to three years ahead of the pack when it came to creative musicianship. The fact this was done on a private budget makes the album even more extraordinary. Certainly one of the top five psychedelic releases ever!"
Music Emporium

<>Ping Pong<>
"This is a weird album."
Ping Pong

"Comparisons can be drawn to other effective dual-key groups - Corte dei Miracoli and Argentines Pablo "El Enterrador" act as decent pointers. . . . this is essential music for the symphonic connoisseur" .
Pollen (Canada)

This link now contains Paul Hightower's masterful study of the band's most influential era. Great, informative reading for even the casual Yes listener.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Section 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ah hears that McFee youngun is tellin y'all about comin down next year. Ah'm a doin what ya'll like to call "Laughin Out Loud"! We'll be waitin for ya. Here's section 3.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Letters~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Howdy Junior!
How come you an' Gator didn't go ta the Fridy night preshow at the Arts Center Opry or the Saturdy show at the Cat's Cradle Bar an Sheep Dip? Can't say as ya missed much anywho: ain't nobody was doin no hoedown an them mugicians was slicker then otter snot.

Billy Bill

Dear Billy Bill,
I done telled ya we was goin coon huntin!



Dear Catfish,
I said there PROLLY would be hollerin Catfish! An I tole ya not ta bother me bout it here!

Dear Junior,
So you an Gator watched a bunch o Yoo-ropean queers called The Flower Kings? I'm tellin all tha fellers down at Jed's Bar-be-que an Bait Shop!

Trap Dickens

Dear Trap,
You do an yer gonna find yer head a makin its aquaintance with yer butt!

Dear Junior,
Aw com'on Junior, they gonna find out when they read it in the paper anywho!

Trap Dickens

Dear Trap,
Who're you kiddin? Ya knows darn well them boys at Jed's cain't read!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jestersaurus Staff~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mac "Sooooo-ey!" Beaulieu:
Jestersaurus Rex, Editor

Mike "Drop yer pants an squeel like a pig" McLatchey:
Coordinating Editor for Gnosis

Dirk "Throw that hog on the spit an let's have a lil' snack" Evans:
Jestersaurus Web Development

Peter "I gots two eyes, an it's up to you ta figger out which one's a lookin at ya" Thelen:
Coordinating Editor for Exposé

Mike "He'll get the middle name treatment when he's been here long enough to deserve it" Prete Scan Dude, Coordinating Editor for ProgWeed

Gnosis Writers Staff
Expose Writers Staff

Jestersaurus is a satirical newsletter published by The Gnosis Project. Jestersaurus uses invented names in some of its material. Exceptions include cases in which public figures and other individuals are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this newsletter--graphics, text and other elements--is copyright (c) The Gnosis Project, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Jestersaurus is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.